I believe that the reason women feel so pressured to find a mate is that they want to have children. If women had the same freedom over their genetics that males have – ie. if we could give life to healthy children in our 50s, 60s, and 70s, we would all be a lot more relaxed.
Animals have this issue solved because they don’t believe in monogamy. With the exception of a tiny species of tapeworm, no animal on earth has a perfect track record for monogamy. They don’t believe that they have to “mate for life”. This then means that they can have babies whenever they feel like it. They don’t have to first wait for Mr. Right.
But for humans this is generally not so. There is nothing wrong, of course, with wanting to wait until marriage to have children but it also doesn’t mean that the ticking clock which over time begins to feel more like a ticking time bomb needs to push you to the point of total desperation and freak out. As I explained in my previous blog, doing that only pushes your intention even further away.
As single women I believe it is our duty to focus our energy on our passions and interests – even in the times when that ticking time bomb is making us want to prowl the town and drag home a man like a limp piece of meat. Female animals understand this. They never worry about being attractive or luring in a mate. They simply enjoy their lives, do their thing, and if they so desire – choose from the many males vying for their attention. They understand that spending your time indulging in your passions and interests rather than chasing after guys makes you more alluring to them, anyway. After all, nothing is more of a turn off than a desperate, clingy woman who has nothing going for herself.
Doing things you enjoy also puts you in situations where you are more likely to meet men! So many us (including my former self) put so much attention on the one particular guy that we think is “the one” that everything else in our life becomes a blur. We then spend our free time at home waiting by the phone, checking our Facebook page obsessively, and not going out and doing things we love .. essentially, by obsessing over a guy (and usually anyone you are obsessing over is not worth obsessing over), we take ourselves away from opportunities where we could actually meet someone who is good for us!
And let me say, too, that when I say “going out and doing things we love” I am NOT talking about going to night clubs. It’s fine to go to them if you enjoy them but don’t go to them to “pick up” or “hook up.” More than likely the kind of guy you can pick up in a club is not the type of guy you are going to want to get into a long term relationship with. The real gems will be met in non-pick up locations like photography courses, hiking groups, university programs, exercise classes, etc. The right man will have similar interests to you and so it only makes sense that you would meet him while indulging in those interests.
* Note: I use the words “men” and “guys” deliberately here. I believe there is a very big difference between a “man” and a “guy”. A man is what you want. A guy is what you think you want.
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