I am convinced that the vast majority of single women approach dating the wrong way. They fight against nature and it puts men off.
I know this because for years I was doing it the wrong way. I approached the dating world the way I approached my professional life. If there was something I wanted (or in this case, someone I wanted) I would analyse the situation (read: obsess), come up with an action plan, be persistent in carrying out that action plan, and not stop until I was successful – or else completely humiliated. And I know for certain that this strategy is a common one. In the job market this tact can get you long way but in the dating world you just come out looking like a stalker.
You then start down a dangerous path of self-doubt, self-criticism, and believing that there is something very seriously wrong with you.
Well I am here to tell you that there isn’t. There absolutely isn’t. The problem is simply that males of all species are programmed a certain way and you need to approach them in a way that is consistent with their nature.
In the natural world, the trend by and large is for males to pursue and females to choose.
When I explain this theory to men they almost always say “duh” but when I explain it to women they very often become offended. And I can understand this because it does seem offensive in a way. If I tell a woman that it is not her place to pursue it’s as if I’m saying that men can do whatever they want but women just have to sit around passively with a “come hither” look on their face. And why should this be so? After all, in this day and age women are equal to men in every way so why should courtship be any different? Why shouldn’t a woman be able to go pursue a man in the way that a man can pursue a woman?
Well let me first say that you can. Of course you can .. but I have come to believe that it is counterproductive. In fact I beleive that a woman is most powerful, most liberated, when she flat out refuses to pursue a mate. The female animals of our world would agree with me here. They understand that they are desirable to males simply as a virtue of their gender. Sure, if they are in the mood they’ll dab on a little purfume – pheramones – to signal to the males that they are interested (it always helps, after all, to give a little green light) but never wouldn’t they be caught dead prancing around in front of a guy trying to get his attention.
You find in animals that females are wildly pursued by the males – to the point where some have had to evolve elaborate defenses against them. And they get all this attention without even having to try. And the aren’t even that good looking! Most of the time they are relatively drab, far less decorated than their flamboyant counterparts. If they were human they would balk at the idea of wearing makeup or high heels or colourful clothing* because they would see no purpose in being attractive. To them, males are the ones responsible for this. They are the ones that must attract, lure in, dance for, and fight off the competition in order to win a mate. Females mustn’t worry about any of this. A Female need only sit back, relax, and choose amongst the many males vying for her attention.
And this, by the way, is why playing hard to get actually works!
By playing hard to get you are refusing to pursue and forcing men into their natural, biological, primal states. Wombats have this system down pat. They completely refuse to mate with any male who doesn’t go to extreme lengths to chase them (remind me to write a blog soon about the wombat archetype. It’s a fascinating one).
But my message here is not to tell you to play hard to get. I simply want to drill in you the understanding that there is absolutely no need as women for us to think that we have to be perfect, be attractive, or come up with strategies and sneaky little schemes to get the attention of men. We are deserving of it and capable of receiving it simply by being ourselves.
Now this starts to become a bit more challenging when it comes to one major thing – our biological clocks (click to continue).
* Note: Please don’t believe that if you enjoy wearing bright colours and makeup that you are sabotaging your chances of finding a partner .. it’s fine so long as you are doing it for yourself. You do start to get into trouble, though, if you are doing it to be attractive to men.
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