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The biology of why guys are obsessed with lesbians

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From gay to straight and everything in between, there is an enormous amount of sexual inclinations out there and every last scintillating one of them is natural. There is not one mating system that humans have thought of that an animal did not think of first. Sex is, after all, an animal act.

The obsession so many men have with lesbians, though, has always perplexed me. Lesbian porn, in particularly, is baffling. It’s not really made for lesbians; it’s made for straight men. They love it so much that they regularly destroy their monthly internet download limits in their pursuit of it, and for what? As Susan from “Coupling” pointed out, “it’s a whole area of sex with nothing for them to do”.

Women don’t seem to share this obsession with homosexual behaviour in the opposite sex. Sure, we love our gay boys but you don’t see us crawling under the covers with a rabbit, an iPad, and some gay male porn. It just doesn’t do for us what it does for them. Why is that? Well, once again I suspect it has to do with our evolution.

Female koalas will mount one another when there is a hunky male around

Homosexual behaviour has been documented in over 1500 species and well-studied in about 500. More often than not this “homosexual” behaviour has to do with female/female interactions rather than male/male interactions (although there are plenty of documented accounts of those as well). The most common female/female sexual interactions that you see don’t seem to be inspired by a genuine attraction of a female to another female as much as its a way to for the females to signal to the males that they are ready to be mated. Females are not fertile all the time so homosexual behaviour is one way that they can signal to males when they are. Its comparable to girls making out with each other in night clubs as a way to get the attention of men. Males don’t need to use this same technique to signal to us when they are ready to mate because they are always ready to mate. They don’t have cycles of fertility like we girls do.

Cows are one of these species famous for lesbian behaviour. The girls will regularly mount one another when they are in heat which researchers think is partly to do with their peaking oestrogen levels (which make them feel uncontrollably sexual) and partly to do with their needing a way to signal to the males that they are fertile. My research advisor at the University of Queensland is studying this same behaviour in koalas. Captive female koalas will mount one another when there is a male koala around but, interestingly, not if they are left alone. Sometimes they will reject the advances of the male, though, and continue on with the lesbian escapade. Why this happens is a biological mystery.

Because of this way that many female animals will display homosexual behaviour when they are in heat or otherwise ready to mate, male animals seem to be forever on the lookout for signs of girl-on-girl action. With this in mind, it makes perfect sense that a man would get a rise out of watching lesbians in action. There must be some ancient, primal, instinctual thing happening in men (most of them, anyway) that recognises female homosexual behaviour as a sign of female fertility and mating-readiness.

Let it be known, though, that while it appears that many female animals act homosexual as a way to attract males, there are plenty of truly homosexual female animals who don’t seem to be, in any way, seeking male attention by way of their behaviour. The classic example is the swan family. Swans are known for being exceptionally loyal in terms of mate choice. Swan couples generally stay together for life and it is not uncommon for them to choose a mate of the same sex. Probably the most famous lesbian swan couple lives in Boston Public Garden but there have been many others documented elsewhere.

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The biology of why guys are obsessed with threesomes

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Threesomes. Every man’s fantasy. Personally I’ve never seen the appeal but then again, I’m not a man. I’ve always found it interesting that even though a lot of women have participated in threesomes, very rarely are they participating in a two men/one woman arrangement. It’s almost always two women with one man. Why is that? My guess is that it has to do with our evolution.

You see, humans evolved to be essentially polygamous where one man would have 2, 3, or maybe even more wives depending on his social status and how good of a provider he was. Most indigenous societies around the world function this way and in a lot of ways promiscuity for a man and loyalty to a single partner for a woman makes perfect biological sense.

Our most primitive urge is to procreate and those that are the best procreators are the ones that pass their genes, most successfully, on. We are always, therefore, seeking to be the most effective procrators possible. The best way for men to be good procreators is to have many wives or sleep around a lot (especially if they are saving time by taking the girls 2 or 3 at a go!) Females, on the other hand, are limited in how many babies they can have and so our strategy is to do the best we can to make sure the babies we have stay alive. For women, polygamous life is just practical. With other women around, you have some help with the children and whatever work needs to be done. With them around nobody is ever left alone at home all day with a screaming infant and if you get sick and aren’t able to care for your little one, there is always someone else who can. For this reason I have always suspected that the loss of our tribes is felt most strongly by stay at home moms.

Our primal, polygamous nature is still very much a part of our genetics and its the reason why so many guys are hesitant to tie themselves to just one woman and why, to them, the idea of a threesome is just deliciously tantalising. And likewise, our polygamous nature where many females would have been loyal (for the most part) to a single man is why even those women that could easily attract the attention of a legion of men still generally idealise a romantic union with just one other person.

A lot of my friends are surprised when I tell them that I can really understand the thinking behind the women and also the man in the reality show, “Sister Wives” which centres around a polygamous family in Utah. I can understand how it must be nice for the women to have the company of one another and I respect the man for having an up-front polygamous marriage rather than pulling a Tiger Woods.

Some men are just like gorillas

Coincidently, gorillas are similar to our human ancestors and to the Sister Wives in the way that one male will have a harem of many loyal females.

photo credit: silverback

My month of not buying crap – end of month review

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Well I have completed my month without buying crap!! It was mostly successful. I did channel my shopping energy into doing all of my Christmas shopping but that doesn’t count against my challenge because the deal was to not buy anything for myself. The challenge also excluded food, misc. consumables like shampoo and cleaning products, and the purchase of experiences. Confession time, though. The three items I was planning to buy at the end of the challenge I actually bought on the last day of the month (yesterday). Doh!! I threw my back out last week and haven’t been able to drive because of the Codeine pain pills I’m been on. My friend offered to take me out yesterday, though, and we ended up going over to Target. I guess that means I failed but oh well, I’m still really proud of what I achieved. I’m planning to do another month without buying crap in August so I’ll have a chance to redeem myself.

I also saw on the news that there is an official “buy nothing new month” movement happening in Australia where you’re encouraged to buy nothing new for the entire month of October. I’ll most definitely be participating so for 2012 I’ll be doing three buy nothing new challenges. The movement has been getting a lot of slack in the media because of the way it essentially encourages people to boycott retailers for a month. I think this is ridiculous, though, because honestly, most Australians aren’t going to be taking part in the challenge and so the retailers are going to be just fine. It brings up a few important issues, though, that are worth talking about.

1. Everything we buy is made from natural resources and has to be disposed of somewhere

We need to remember that the crap we buy and the packaging all that crap comes in doesn’t just magically manifest in the universe and then magically disappear after we’re finished with it. It all comes from natural resources in one way or another. And it all has to go somewhere in the end. It’s worth reminding ourselves that when we put something in the trash can, it doesn’t just disappear into the ether. Scientists estimate that plastic takes between 500 and 1000 years to break down. Plastic has only been around for about 50 years which means that every piece of plastic that has ever been thrown away is still just sitting there, in the land fill or the ocean or wherever the hell it landed. Every diaper, every plastic McDonalds straw, every piece of plastic packaging that ever came into your life or your parents life is still around. It’s pretty disgusting when you actually sit back and think about it.

2. We need to learn that we can’t spend our way out of our problems

How much debt is the United States in? Well, as of 5AM PST on the July 1, 2012, it’s $56,925,015,397,300. We’re broke. In fact we’re so far beyond broke that if we were just broke we’d be really freaking excited. And yet the government still has the nerve to try to tell us what we should be doing with our money?! Like they know what they’re talking about or something?! It’s just stupid. And a lot of us have bought into the bullshit idea that spending your way into debt is a matter of patriotism. DUMB! In life if you want to experience financial peace, you have to stop buying stupid crap you don’t need. Congress would do well to work this out and put an end to their debt crisis. Honestly people, debt never helps anything.

In terms of my challenge, though, and everyone else involved the bigger campaign, we’re just trying to do our part to help the planet a little. I don’t beleive that by setting out on a challenge like this that we’re harming the economy because nothing about this challenge says you can’t spend money on going out to eat, going to movies, or doing other things that cost money but that don’t encourage excessive consumerism. And even if this challenge was taken on by so many people that the retailers did feel it, the future of our forests and oceans is always going to be more important to me than they are. I’m sorry but I just can’t apologise for that.

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My month without buying crap – 22 days in

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Many times this month I have seen items in shops that I wanted or for whatever reason I’ve thought to buy different things. Because of this challenge, though, I obviously haven’t been able to. The amazing thing is that within minutes of thinking “oh well, I can always buy it next month” the desire for the item usually left. I realised that, at least for me, the desire for things is strong but fleeting and there aren’t that many things that I really do actually want or need. The desk fountain that I was coveting really bad at the beginning of this challenge I don’t really want any more. I still think it would be cool but I don’t feel like I need to have it. In fact the things I do think I’ll buy at the end of the challenge are so few that I can name them right here.

1. New underwear. Apologies for the TMI but I do need some.
2. New toiletries bag. My old one is showing its age. It’s dirty, it’s faded, I’m sick of looking at it, and I there are so many cute ones for sale right now
3. Large photo album. I am sick of staring at my giant pile of lose photos.
4. Possibly a large yoga mat and bolsters. More on that in a minute.

The really crazy thing that has come out of all of this is that I’m almost getting a little addicted to not having stuff. Rather than focussing on what I can buy when this challenge is over, I’m more focussed on what else I can get rid of. I have donated quite a lot of stuff to thrift stores this month and am enjoying pairing down what I own more and more all the time.

I think part of my desire to get rid of stuff has to do with my wanting to move. I want to move out of state and the less I own, the easier that will be. I’m a bit of a seagull in that way .. before I fly away I like to do a big dump 🙂

Partly inspired by this process I’ve also finally got around to sending a whole lot of stuff back home to my parents (stuff that belongs to them that I have been storing). By doing this I’ve now cleared out a space in my laundry room and I’m thinking of putting my kitchen table in there for the time being. If I do that I can have a large space free where I can put a big yoga mat that can just live there. I really don’t use my kitchen table for eating and so most of the time it’s just a dumping zone. I haven’t been doing any yoga for like a year and my body feels all stiff and creaky. I definitely want to start doing it again and if I don’t have to actually move furniture around to do it, there’s a much better chance I’ll actually do it.

I’m realising mostly that when you have less stuff, you have more room. Room for yoga, room to think, room to not clean, room to save money, room to save planetary resources, and room to appreciate the stuff you have that you actually love.

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My month without buying crap – 11 days in

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Well I’m 11 days into my experiment of not buying myself anything this month. So far it is going well. There are only two items that I know for sure I would have purchased had I not been on this challenge.

1. A desk fountain ($50)
2. A new toiletries bag ($20)

So I suppose in 11 days I’ve saved myself $70. Not bad! As I mentioned in my last post, though, this isn’t about saving money as much as non-consumerism.

I’ve found myself really disgusted lately by our consumerist society and as much as possible, I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. People always use the excuse “you can’t take it with you” for why they spend money excessively. But the way I see it, if you can’t take it with you, why buy it in the first place?

Rather than buying more crap I don’t need, I’d rather spend my money on good food, meaningful experiences, movies with friends, donations to causes I care about, and most importantly – to save for emergencies, eliminate debt, and eventually pay for a home.

This isn’t to say that there is anything wrong with buying things. I am already thinking about what I might buy in July or August. I wouldn’t mind a new pair of jeans and a new winter coat. When I do buy these things, though, I will shop purposefully for them and buy quality items that will last a long time – not crap made by underpaid factory workers in some sweat job overseas. And I also won’t get sucked into the impulse purchase trap while I’m out looking for them.

I think our modern society has become incredibly selfish when it comes to money. In so many parts of the world a family is considered rich if they have a place to live, heat, and a reliable source of food. They don’t need two cars, a gigantic flat screen TV, boxy modern furniture, the iPhone4, a fridge full of soda, or a magic bullet. And they certainly don’t feel “entitled” to any of these things.

Here is a passage from the Tao Te Ching that has been a source of inspiration to me for this challenge:

Imagine a small country with few people.
They have weapons but do not employ them;
They enjoy the labor of their hands
and do not waste time inventing laborsaving machines.
They are content with healthy food,
Pleased with useful clothing,
Satisfied in snug homes,
And protective of their way of life.

Wish me luck for the next 19 days! If all goes well I’m thinking of doing it again!

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