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The biology of why guys are obsessed with lesbians

From gay to straight and everything in between, there is an enormous amount of sexual inclinations out there and every last scintillating one of them is natural. There is not one mating system that humans have thought of that an animal did not think of first. Sex is, after all, an animal act.

The obsession so many men have with lesbians, though, has always perplexed me. Lesbian porn, in particularly, is baffling. It’s not really made for lesbians; it’s made for straight men. They love it so much that they regularly destroy their monthly internet download limits in their pursuit of it, and for what? As Susan from “Coupling” pointed out, “it’s a whole area of sex with nothing for them to do”.

Women don’t seem to share this obsession with homosexual behaviour in the opposite sex. Sure, we love our gay boys but you don’t see us crawling under the covers with a rabbit, an iPad, and some gay male porn. It just doesn’t do for us what it does for them. Why is that? Well, once again I suspect it has to do with our evolution.

Female koalas will mount one another when there is a hunky male around

Homosexual behaviour has been documented in over 1500 species and well-studied in about 500. More often than not this “homosexual” behaviour has to do with female/female interactions rather than male/male interactions (although there are plenty of documented accounts of those as well). The most common female/female sexual interactions that you see don’t seem to be inspired by a genuine attraction of a female to another female as much as its a way to for the females to signal to the males that they are ready to be mated. Females are not fertile all the time so homosexual behaviour is one way that they can signal to males when they are. Its comparable to girls making out with each other in night clubs as a way to get the attention of men. Males don’t need to use this same technique to signal to us when they are ready to mate because they are always ready to mate. They don’t have cycles of fertility like we girls do.

Cows are one of these species famous for lesbian behaviour. The girls will regularly mount one another when they are in heat which researchers think is partly to do with their peaking oestrogen levels (which make them feel uncontrollably sexual) and partly to do with their needing a way to signal to the males that they are fertile. My research advisor at the University of Queensland is studying this same behaviour in koalas. Captive female koalas will mount one another when there is a male koala around but, interestingly, not if they are left alone. Sometimes they will reject the advances of the male, though, and continue on with the lesbian escapade. Why this happens is a biological mystery.

Because of this way that many female animals will display homosexual behaviour when they are in heat or otherwise ready to mate, male animals seem to be forever on the lookout for signs of girl-on-girl action. With this in mind, it makes perfect sense that a man would get a rise out of watching lesbians in action. There must be some ancient, primal, instinctual thing happening in men (most of them, anyway) that recognises female homosexual behaviour as a sign of female fertility and mating-readiness.

Let it be known, though, that while it appears that many female animals act homosexual as a way to attract males, there are plenty of truly homosexual female animals who don’t seem to be, in any way, seeking male attention by way of their behaviour. The classic example is the swan family. Swans are known for being exceptionally loyal in terms of mate choice. Swan couples generally stay together for life and it is not uncommon for them to choose a mate of the same sex. Probably the most famous lesbian swan couple lives in Boston Public Garden but there have been many others documented elsewhere.

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The Bowerbird Archetype

The (Satin) Bowerbird Archetype

The Belief
“I want a man who is kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?” ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

The Biology
The Satin Bowerbird is a rainforest dwelling species common to Eastern Australia. It is named after the elaborate “bowers” that the males of the species build as a way to lure in and attract potential mates. The bower is made up of a thatched structure with an arch-like opening. Surrounding the structure is a collection of blue items that the male carefully collects (and in some cases, steals) and arranges thoughtfully. Common decorations include clothes pegs, blue bottle caps, and feathers. His decorating ability improves with age.

The male Bowerbird is not mature until 7 years of age (which is quite ancient for a bird) and prior to that appears much like the females with a greenish body and striped chest and legs. Upon maturity he develops a shiny dark blue plumage. Interestingly, the males with duller plumage tend to build bigger and more impressive bowers than those of bright plumage (a form of primal compensation, perhaps?)

The female Bowerbird is inherently picky. Before choosing a partner she will first snoop around the bowers of all the males in the area (but only when they are away, of course) and have a look at who has the best possessions. From there she will return to the most interesting display to meet the male. In her youth she has little interest in the personality of her mates and choses a partner based solely on his material wealth. As she matures, however, she takes more interest in the personality and charms of her potential suitors and takes particular notice of his dancing abilities. The male has no role in parenting. Both sexes have blue eyes.

The Bowerbird Man
The Bowerbird man has a reputation for being a bit of a ladies man but he means no disrespect. He simply has a love of beautiful things and women are chief among them. In his youth he isn’t what you would call a “man’s man” (or in Australia, a “blokey bloke”). In fact, he is often quite androgynous-looking in his younger years and it is generally not until midlife that he comes fully into his sense of self. As he matures further and transitions into old age he seems to defy the traditional laws of attraction and becomes increasingly appealing to his intended mates. This is often, though, the result of his status moreso than his looks. It is no wonder that Viagra is coloured blue – the most favourite colour of the Bowerbird.

He avoids commitment like the plague. It is not that he doesn’t think his mates are worthy of his undivided attention or that he feels there is something wrong with them – quite the contrary. He just doesn’t understand the point of settling down with one person when there are so many others to explore. Indeed, he is forever meeting new women as he is a regular at the local night club (or whatever local watering hole is most hip) and is never afraid to invite a beautiful woman for a dance.

The Bowerbird’s financial status also tends to improve as he matures but he must be careful not to lose it with his habit of extreme over spending. His home is large and an obvious display of his wealth (or perceived wealth). He regularly drops large sums of money on status items such as cars, electronics, designer clothing, and of course satin sheets! If he is generally unattractive he is even more prone to excess. If unable to pay for this lifestyle through traditional means he will stop at nothing short of lying, cheating, and stealing to maintain his reputation and hold onto his assets. Indeed, many a Bowerbird has been done for insider trading!

The greatest fear of the male Bowerbird is that one day he might lose all the pomp and circumstance he has built up around him. If there is one lesson he would be wise to learn, it is that “there is no use trying to keep up with the Jones’. They’re broke!

The Bower Bird Woman
The Bowerbird woman only wants the best – and why wouldn’t she? She knows that when it comes to love and romance it’s a seller’s market – and she is the hot commodity. She’s known as the “party girl” and the “single and fabulous” girl but her friends worry sometimes that she is too picky when it comes to relationships. They wish that she would give a good, honest guy a chance and not just be constantly rushing home with whoever has the flashiest car. And perhaps they are right but you see it is not the Bowerbird’s nature to be monogamous – or to settle for second rate. She is a chaser of excitement and rich men are often the gateway to an exciting life.

She loves a man who will take her to fancy restaurants, society parties, theatre openings, and who (of course) has an incredible home to use as a kind of adults only theme park. This does not mean, though, that she is shallow and only concerned with material possessions. She isn’t. In fact, the female Bowerbird usually lives in a very modest home. You see, it is not in the owning of items that she is satisfied. She is, instead, looking for the experience of being in the presence of beauty and excitement. Having said that, though, a Bowerbird woman is never going to turn down a gift. She is particularly fond of Sapphires but only if they are quality stones. She knows junk jewellery when she sees it and will not take well to being given something that belongs in a gum ball machine.

An amazing transformation takes place for the Bowerbird woman as she begins to reach the far end of mid-life. Suddenly the thrill of luxury living lessons a bit and she starts to yearn for an emotional or even spiritual connection with a mate. Instead of craving the rush of a packed trendy night club she finds herself looking forward to living room slow dances with a special man that she can have an honest conversation with. If when she arrives at this point in life she finds herself in a rich but loveless marriage she will likely end the relationship and begin looking (probably for the first time) for love. She still, though, would never be caught dead with a postal worker or man of similarly limited means. She is still a Bowerbird, after all!

The Bower Bird / Bower Bird Couple
It is rare for two Bower Birds to pair up as they are both hesitant to limit themselves to a single person and prefer to flutter around amongst a collection of lovers. If they do get together they will likely maintain separate homes for many years into the relationship and it will take a long time for them to become “exclusive”. They might even prefer to be in a long distance relationship, coming together for only short periods periodically throughout the year. In this instance she will either fly to him or the two of them will jet off together to enjoy high end, luxury vacations. They will likely enjoy boating and beach holidays where there is nothing to see but the sparkling blue hues of the ocean and sky – and very often, each other’s eyes.

If they do eventually come to share a home it will be the epitome of style and taste. Theirs will be the nicest home on the block in the nicest block in town. Their flare for style may even attract the attention of home and lifestyle magazines. They must be very careful, though, not to let their love of luxury catapult them into bankruptcy court!

The Bower Bird / Other Archetype Couple
It is important to remember that rarely do either male or female Bower Birds feel that monogamy is natural. Trying to force it upon them will likely ruffle their feathers. This isn’t to say that they won’t want to become monogamous to you at some stage buy most assuredly, nagging and pleading will not get you there any faster. Their distain of monogamy is not personal and it is desperately important for you to not take offence. It is simply their nature to remain free an unattached. If you are dating a Bower Bird you would be wise to keep your options open and not put too much heed on the potential that you see. Keep in mind, though, that most humans do tend to evolve through many archetypes over the course of their life so don’t be surprised if by treating your Bower Bird well he/she suddenly turns into a swan.

Famous Bowerbirds
Zsa Zsa Gabor, Hugh Hefner, The Great Gatsby (although he was a Bower Bird/Swan hybrid)

More like this:
Intro to Animal Archetypes
The Tape Worm Archetype
The Flying Fox Archetype